Friday, December 19, 2014

Ten Reasons Why I've Quit Facebook...Starting NOW

I deactivated my Facebook account today and here are the top reasons why:

10) I cannot upload or be forced to look at one more fucking selfie.

9) I don't need to see your child/pet aging in REAL time. That's right. Stop posting pics of them every God damn day. Enough. Really. Even their grandmother doesn't need to see them that often!

8) I can't take the check-ins. Woot're somewhere fabulous right now and meanwhile I'm home looking all Broom Hilda-ish eating left over, cold pasta in front of the television in my underwear.  Or vice versa....maybe MY check-ins are making you feel poorly about yourself?? (ha ha) 
I mean, I'm BEYOND thrilled you're at The Olive Garden....go get your endless salad and breadsticks on!

7) The amount of time I have wasted in the past six years clicking LIKE and scrolling through the news feed is off-the-charts-bonkers!

6) I don't give a flying fig if you like Seinfeld, Raw Foodtopia, Ferrara Pan Lemonheads or the Chicago White Sox. I don't care. I just don't.... just like you don't care that I like Vanity Fair, The Museum of Contemporary Art or various vintage stores across the globe.

5) I find myself interacting with the same twenty people over and over out of my lengthy list of friends AND these are mostly people I actually have relationships with to begin with, so what's the fucking point???
All these "friends" and yet my phone isn't blowing up 24/7....what's up with that?? Doesn't anyone know how to push buttons on a phone anymore??

4) I've reconnected with every "ex" I have ever wanted to and needless to say, some things are better left safely buried in the past. Like six feet under buried. 
(Heather Mooney ROCKS btw)

3) I can't do one more post about what I just cooked. I can't.

2) I cannot post or read one more motivational whatever the fuck you call them ever again.

1) I just don't care anymore. About your engagement, divorce, trip to Tampa. Not even remotely interested in how you schlepped your baby to the mall for his first visit to see Santa. Ditto on your job promotion, your ruptured disc, detailed info on how your unemployment is about to run out or your new sofa. 
I especially am not fond of the memoriams to dead people. Those seriously freak me out....even when I'm the one posting them ;)
AND I'm fairly certain that the crap I discuss is pretty much evoking the same reactions from my former Facebook crew.
Do. Not. Care.

Facebook, I'm fucking out.
We are all bored to death with one another like an old, married couple. 
Same shit, different day. 
It's simply not enjoyable the way it was in the beginning when we'd send one another virtual cocktails.
I miss that.
I want a divorce!

I'm way over how egotistical (my own ego included) it all has become and it seems a rather pointless way to try to get your cause out there. When bitching about a particularly rough day at the job garners you more than ten times the likes than that of a video post revealing the positive changes travel can bring about for the mind and spirit, well, you gotta realize it's time to get out I suppose. 

I'm going to try to use my moments of down time to actually do something productive like perhaps read more, call FRIENDS on the phone for a real convo and not some bullshit posting of a comment that gets lost in translation. 
Or how about some THINKING?? That's right, some old fashioned, fucking pondering. I'm done with social media. 
Well, except Twitter (Forgiving Yourself) for my blog....oh, and my Instagram. Those seem harmless. ;)