Friday, December 5, 2014

Part Two: I Set Fire to Your Brain (Twin Flames Up in Smoke)

Part One: I Set Fire to Your Brain

#3- The “Soul Mate” Union

You make each other laugh, share common interests and similar backgrounds. You have goals and dreams that you’re both on board for, whatever those may be. Could be a condo in the city so you can both be close to your jobs and friends you love. Or possibly finding a parcel of land to grow and sell organic produce together, build a business.

Physically you’re both wildly attracted to one another and the sex is great! You actually dig spending your time together, hanging out. You will often see these two touching one another. Not in a sexual, PDA kinda way, but holding hands, stroking the other’s hair, hugging. They are not afraid to show each other affection. It’s sweet!! There’s a genuine friendship that shines through when they are together.

You argue, but don’t annihilate each other in the process. You are both passionate about your own pursuits and allow each other room to explore those interests and hobbies. In other words, nobody is smothering anyone in this union. You respect and appreciate one another. After you spend some time with these rare, fun loving creatures you may even feel a bit sad that you haven’t been able to obtain this level of love for yourself.

Now even with my extremely limited knowledge of what’s healthy in a relationship, the #3 level seems to be it for me. This is the love I hope to find one day and it definitely seems like it’s worth the wait. There’s genuine respect and admiration, but each are still individuals. There’s a clarity that remains as to who is who the entire time these two people are together. Their union was just meant to be. As the years pass, these couples grow stronger TOGETHER, not apart.

Death of a partner is a great loss for the other, but you are certain these two will end up together again in the hereafter, the next life, whatever. They possess incredible memories of a life well spent despite any ups and downs they weathered because they dealt with them as a team. They didn't blame one another, they instead attacked and overcame these hardships with the same passion they had for one another. These couples provide us all with hope and that’s the most beautiful gift they give to all those they encounter.

#4- The “If I Can’t Have You, I Don’t Want Nobody, Baby” Union

Reflecting on my past relationships, I was only truly in love twice in my life. And yes, they both fall under this category. If you don’t think this is a level that will fuck you up royally then please, allow me to share more with you, my beautiful readers!

I grew up under the mistaken impression that the type of love I had for both of these men was the only kind you should ever strive to have. The only kind that really mattered. The fucking Romeo & Juliet, Endless Love kinda tales they write novels, songs and movies about. And they do! Hollywood and the music industry can’t crank them out fast enough! And I couldn't consume enough of them growing up...I bought into all of it. Most artists are messed up, tortured souls as the story goes and spending time on this level will definitely bring out your creative side. This level will provide you with years of material to base your chosen art on, trust me.

I cannot live without you. There could never be another I would love like this or be loved in return by. Ain’t no mountain high enough. You forsake all of your friendships….we only need each other. Things we enjoyed doing once, before we met, are sucked right out of us. Leaving us empty and lost for a very long time attempting to find where exactly we left ourselves. It’s rough navigating that GPS system!

This is the moth to the flame. Nothing feels better than this union to the fucked up and emotionally impaired. This relationship provides you with the only things you need. Passion, drama and a (false) sense of being connected completely to another human being (which is a rare occurrence for people like us cuz we don’t trust too many humans). You fight, scream, yell, cry. Make scenes...sometimes flaming Saganaki MUST be thrown across restaurants in order to drive your point home! There’s jealousy because you can’t bear the thought of someone else having your true love or even eating breakfast with them!! You call one another begging for forgiveness. I can’t live without you! You’re my life! (THIS is the main HAVE made them your life. Tsk tsk. Shame on you!) You have mistaken the most lethal of all co-dependent relationships for true love, friends, but you can’t possibly be aware of this while you’re in it. No one who’s been there will disagree with me on that.

Sex is an out of body experience. Not just in the beginning of the relationship, but right up to the very last time you two are together. This other person finishes your sentences, knows exactly what you’re thinking. Can simply look at you across a room and you melt. You belong to them. No one else exists. You trust them 150% with your life. You are blue when you aren't together. You share beautiful songs that remind you of each other. (By the way, just know that after the relationship ends you won’t be able to bear hearing those songs...I liken it to someone carving your heart out with a very dull butter knife whenever you hear one.) You can’t sleep when you break up. On the up side...breaking up at a Level Four can make ya get real skinny, so it’s an excellent weight loss program!! Concentrating at the job is an impossibility. No one has ever been in love like the two of you are! And you’re probably right-no one ever has (Sans maybe Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton at their drunken, brawliest finest circa 1967). There’s something called SANE people and they are in what some may call “healthy” relationships, if you had any clue what one was.

Level Fours are ALL IN til the very end….or until they lose their minds. By the time the end comes and it does eventually because it is impossible to burn this intensely forever, you know something’s gotta give and usually it’s your sanity, your health or both. These unions do not end with the promise of remaining friends, hugs or even a well wish. Nope. These unions implode. Devastation, depression, anxiety, jealousy, rage, fear, bitterness, lack of trust, disillusionment. These are the things a Level 4 “TRUE LOVE” relationship will leave you grappling with in the end. This is your fairy tale ending. 

Do you know what the result of all this loving at Level Four has done for me? It has driven me, for the last four years, to remain alone, good, bad or otherwise. I haven't been capable of feeling any connection with a man, not in that way. I do not currently have the capacity to seat any additional guests where my heart was formerly located. It’s currently under construction, people. Check back in 6-12 months, please.

Was it worth it? I don’t know. Not sure bout that.

Who would EVER want to go through that again? Not me.

I’ll sit the next few innings out, thank you very much. You can shove the level four love right up your ass!! Until this gal can learn to love at a MUCH lower intensity, I will be sitting at home, writing on the weekends. It ain’t that bad and nobody’s asking what’s for dinner while I’m reading either!!

So, now do you understand my question about setting fire to your brain from part one? Problem is that I don’t much feel the desire to have anyone set my brain ablaze these days. Blame it on mellowing with age, maybe I’m discovering some inner peace. Perhaps I’m not into being a sadist or a masochist anymore or am I just plain exhausted after loving at a Level Four since I was 15 years old?? All I can see right now is that this is a much calmer, happier place to live, definitely not as exciting, but a helluva lot easier on your central nervous system FOR SURE!