Saturday, October 25, 2014

Get Down On It (While Healing Your Inner Emotional Child!)

This past summer I attended a spiritual workshop in Chicago led by a pretty major player in the New Age community. Her name is Teal Swan & has fallen under much scrutiny as of late. See-Celestial Reflections Bogspot-Former-insider-teal-is-deluded

Teal's workshop is conducted in this manner- audience members raise their hands, she scans the crowd and then decides whose “light” is "speaking" to her. Then she invites that individual to join her on stage to ask Mrs. Swan one question, pretty much anything goes from what I could decipher after attending. She guides you through to the answer and gently advises. I’m not gonna lie to you, it was pretty intense at times, some serious topics were addressed. Teal states, after the initial hellos, that she believes that what each of these people are looking for answers on will ring true for all of us. I’d have to say 8 hours later I wasn't disappointed and I enjoyed listening to the individual stories.

So a gorgeous, blonde Brit gets called up. She’s damn near close to what my mind perceives as physical perfection. 30 something, classy, expensive off white, little lace dress, tan and toned, $300+ a pop highlights and she topped it all off with a pair of those black librarian-type glasses that can actually make a sexpot even hotter, you know what I mean?

She starts off (like most who are beckoned to the stage by the ethereal Teal) by giving you a little background about herself. Long term relationship ended about 18 months ago and she’s been alone since then. Can’t find anyone she can connect with, no one she has cared to let in so to speak. Will she EVER find someone again who will love her???

What. The. Fuck.

“Seriously, lady??

You are drop dead gorgeous and that proper British accent ain’t hurting your cause either. Really...poor baby, can’t find anyone to love you??” Waaahhh!
Come on...she’s gotta have men literally following her around wherever she goes!

So, while I’m sitting there trying to process this crock of shit Sexy Brit just laid on us audience members I start thinking about how oddly, I had walked behind this gal for six blocks that morning on the way to the auditorium. I was admiring her fine taste in footwear and the elegant way she had a gorgeous print scarf draped over her right shoulder. I can’t pull off that draped scarf thing. I try and always fail miserably. The scarf keeps falling off my damn shoulder & I end up just stuffing the scarf in my purse 15 minutes after I leave my house and oh, my God..WAIT and there was a guy in a wheelchair that had a license plate on the back of it that read OUTATIME which I thought was just so damn hilarious & sassy of him so I was snapping pics (and posting directly to my Facebook page) with my camera phone of Wheelchair Guy, who also was a Teal fan/workshop attendee turns out, fuck me!....there was so much phenomenal shit happening BEFORE the workshop even kicked off!! That Teal really draws an eclectic crowd let me tell you!! (and I have ADD obviously)

Back to the story...about a half a block away from where Teal’s workshop was being held I realized Sexy Scarf Lady and I were both headed to the same place for a bit of spiritual healing/guidance. I didn't peg her initially as a "New Ager" because to be quite frank she didn't look peace, love and hippie enough for the movement, but then I recall thinking “This one wants to know about her love life.” 
(Hmmm...maybe I should conduct a workshop.) 
So when I heard the question come out of her perfectly pink stained lips I was like “I knew it! I fucking KNEW it!”

Let's return to the ongoing drama on stage-after two minutes of Teal speaking on the subject of relationships and “allowing” rather than “resisting” Sexy Brit follows up her question with a confession. 

(A shocking little confession I for one was not anticipating!)
She has a habit of cheating on her boyfriends. Every boyfriend. Oh, but that’s not all, my friends!! After she cheats she likes to TELL on HERSELF (Oh, hey now, I think I recognize this type of self sabotage!) and reveal her transgression to her then boyfriend.

Who then leaves her.


Sexy Brit has been dumped countless times!! Even Teal was slightly dumbfounded and she’s never at a loss for words!

Wow! I feel the energy of this entire crowd shift immediately! It was crazy! Not one of us crystal wearing, incense burning audience folk expected that bomb to get dropped on us! The woman across the aisle from me (who looked EXACTLY like Jane Fonda in On Golden Pond FYI) let out a “Whoa. Heavy.” That I was privy to hear that come out of “Jane’s” mouth was yet another highlight of attending this event for me.

So, while we’re all still reeling from this sudden turn of events, poor Sexy Brit is stuck sitting up there on stage across from Teal with the scarf now demurely draped over her lap (and yet still so elegantly-hate her) so no one can sneak a peek of what goodies she’s hiding under that little dress of hers, Teal doesn't miss a beat and rocks us all with “Yes. When one has been a victim of an overbearing, emotionally abusive parent growing up this is what they tend to do in relationships.”

Say what???

Teal continues “The emotionally abused child in you desperately wants intimacy. Once you have this intimacy you crave you then feel trapped. So you cheat, but rather than it ending with the infidelity you decide to confess to your partner what you have done. You know why?” (Because she’s a Sagittarius like me??) “You tell your partner hoping it will make him draw you in even closer, to form an even deeper level of intimacy thus proving how much he adores you, now fearful that he could lose you. You desire this wonderful intimacy, but you can’t stand the thought of being trapped. This is how you sabotage your relationships. You don’t really want a relationship and yet still long for a deep emotional connection.”

To quote “Jane”....“Whoa. Heavy.” 

I've got tears in my eyes. I make one of those snorting sounds that happens when you are trying to suppress losing it in front of strangers. I mean, uh, you can’t have real genuine intimacy with your partner and also not want to be in a relationship. That ain’t gonna work...not for too long anyway.
This has struck a major chord in yours truly. More like a gong got whacked actually.

Teal goes on to discuss healing the inner emotional child in you in order to end that cycle. Her parting advice is not to get involved with anyone else before taking some time to just BE and work on yo shit for a while. (I’m totally paraphrasing here).

I concur, applauding & nodding approvingly while watching Emotionally Damaged Brit return to her seat two rows in front of me like she didn't just announce to 200 strangers that she’s a chronic cheater.

Who knew five hours ago walking behind this elegant, impeccably dressed woman I was slightly envying (OK, it was full on jealousy, but I REALLY wish I could do that fucking scarf thing sooo bad!) that we’d end up sharing the same sick routine of really effing with our men’s minds to our own detriment?? Not me!!

Please let me add, for the record, that I shall remain eternally grateful to this Brit who had enough courage to be up on that stage sharing this tale with Teal rather than moi. I felt your pain, sister.

I am nowhere near that enlightened yet.

Not even remotely close.

Here's to healing your inner emotional child......I'm working on doing the same!