After making a few visits to the spiritual shop this reformed hell raiser known as Reverend Stitch or just plain Stitch, confessed to me he has an obsession for anything Mafia related somewhat explaining the pseudo accent, I suppose.
One day I stopped in to chat, get some quick advice on how to “feel more centered” only to find Stitch behind the apothecary counter with a framed, poster sized portrait of the late John Gotti he had recently acquired from the resale shop down the block. I just filed this entire scene under the “Respect what you don’t understand” category and moved on. I needed his advice pronto today and didn’t have time to waste judging Stitch’s odd fascination with La Cosa Nostra.
Plus, you know, I’m on a personal journey towards total enlightenment and really shouldn't be judging anyone anyway, right?
Without naming names, Stitch informs me that several cancer stricken “retired" mobsters come to Augustine’s on the regular. “You’d be VERY surprised if you knew who comes in here looking for our help.” Seems when modern medicine fails and you’re facing a painful, imminent death you’ll seek out any option available to stay alive for just one more day. Anything to avoid meeting your “creator” and start the eternal payback for your sin filled lives in the flaming pits of hell. (I’m thinking even more so after a life of non-stop crime and killing folks) Mobsters are Catholic….they believe in all that shit, right?...judgement day, heaven, hell, satan.
This is how Stitch rolls….before you are allowed to get into whatever brought you there that day, he gives you a little something to ponder whether you think it’s relevant to your situation or not. Somewhere down the road a light goes on and you realize that yes indeed, it was relevant. This is one cat who knows how to read a room. He’s givin the people what they want and they line up to see him.
The reverend then gets down to business, MY business. He said he immediately picked up on my spiritual distress from my energy. Well plus upon walking in the shop I had announced LOUDLY “I am ALL over the place today!” (WHILE he was with another client) probably tipped him off a little, too.
Stitch then surprises me and reads my cards for the first time. Based on what the cards tell him and the shit I’d whine about for the next hour (I don’t know what I’m doing anymore! Nothing has meaning for me! I don’t even know why I’m alive! Waaahh!) he comes to the following conclusion:
“You have to forgive yourself.”
That’s what he lays on me.
“You have to forgive yourself.”
Well, that does seem far less daunting of a task than when on my previous visit he instructed me to sit motionless for 10 minutes and empty my mind of all thoughts in meditation. DAILY. Someone who is borderline ADHD to think of nothing, in complete stillness. Absolutely NOTHING for ten minutes??
Ugh. I so look forward to the day when I can be completely thoughtless!
Forgive myself? Huh.
Will it make me feel better??
Are you sure?
OK….well, I’d definitely like to feel better.
All right...I’m all in!
So armed with $87.00 (that I can’t afford) worth of oils, a candle to burn for new beginnings, incense, 3rd eye opening room spray and a big ole bottle of negative energy clearing bubble bath, I am fully prepared to tackle this forgiving yourself.
But wait! I don't have a bathtub! I am then assured by Stitch, after telling him I only have a walk in shower, that the healing properties of the bubble bath will not be diminished if used as a shower gel instead.
He truly is my spiritual guide...he provides me with all the answers, big and small!
I thank him & euphorically head towards the door.
I mean, duh...of course this lack of self forgiveness is EXACTLY what’s been holding my ass back all these years! Now that this new problem has clearly presented itself to me, I can fix it.
I heard the good reverend call out after me as I pushed the shop’s door open while struggling with my rather large & heavy bag of spiritual goodies.
“Remember, Penelope, we consider you a part of the family here.”
Well, thank you very much I respond over my shoulder wondering why exactly, but I also feel wrapped up in a blanket of good vibes & high hopes as I walk home to light my candles, burn my incense and set about forgiving myself. I should wrap this shit up by bedtime! Forgive myself? I can totally do that, Reverend Stitch. I got this. Word.
I arrived home at my little yellow brick, 2 story walk up determined to do whatever it took RIGHT THAT MINUTE to make the necessary changes in order to move forward. It was then that I caught my shocking reflection in a hall mirror.
While roaming around my neighborhood earlier, amid my full-on spiritual meltdown, I somehow reasoned that having my eyebrows waxed could possibly turn things around for me, as only perfectly arched eyebrows can do. One problem….I’m allergic to Paraffin.
Soooo, I had just sat for an hour with Stitch, crying over the emptiness of my soul with 1” red WELTS around my eyebrows so prominent that I don’t know how he kept a straight face sitting across from me or at the VERY least didn't offer me a damn Benadryl.
What? No oils in the spiritual apothecary for inflammation???? Geez. Help a sister out!!
Love & light. Love & light. Love & light.